Disneyland Afghanistan

Friends, Romans, Countrymen...and Ryan F,

When someone's giving me directions and he says, "You can't miss it," I know I'm going to miss it. But at least in the case of Afghanistan, I feel less bad since most of the directions I've been given have included, "it's right by the concrete bunker" or "just past the conex box", which, if you can't guess, is as helpful as "look for the pile of rocks by all the sand and turn right." I spent an hour the other day just looking for the gym, and my adventure finding laundry included the response, "Do you want self-service laundry, or do you want to do the laundry yourself?" "Ummmm....yup." Apparently, there is also a drop-off laundry place...kinda like at school. But also kinda like at school, I don't trust it and I would rather not wait several days only to have half my laundry missing.

So anyway...Afghanistan. If I were to pick one word to describe Afghanistan, and it weren't "desolate," "depressing," or "a-menstrual-cramp-on-the-uterus-of-the-world" (that's a compound word...WHAT?!?), it would be "monochromatic." I had so much fun designing "Moscow Disney" with Anna and Becca all those years ago, so I decided to describe this experience in the form of "Disneyland Afghanistan." It would include the following attractions: "breathing in sand and dust," "nearly peeing on yourself while looking for the female latrine" (true story), "escaping to the port-a-john to escape the smell in your room", "not streaming music or movies," "waiting on Facebook to not load [oh woe!]"...and MCMAP. Also, you would be required to enjoy the same attractions, in the same order, every single day, no exception. And the meal plan would include fake milk (I've seen cartons of it sitting around, not refrigerated) and juice made out of "Rapeseed Oil." And French toast sticks every morning!!! Character breakfasts with visiting generals.

Okay, since I can't access my beloved blog without a high level of frustration, I'll do what Jason did for his year in Saudi Arabia and just flood the inboxes of all his "friends" with emailed blog posts. I attached a picture of Camp Leatherneck for your viewing pleasure.



GO NAVY BEAT AIR FORCE!!!!!,
Leslie

p.s. For everyone who doesn't know, Ryan F is a traitorous Canadian...and my arch-nemesis. Also, not a Roman.