Crew served weapons test today. Yesterday during prac app I was golden on everything but disassembling and reassembling the SAW in 7 minutes. I always get caught up on some bolt that won't budge or something.
Frustrated. I told myself to not be nervous and that today would be an opportunity to learn if I make mistakes. I took detailed notes on how to establish headspace and timing on the M2 .50 cal and did it a couple times yesterday without any problem and in little time. Today I didn't push the charging handle back when I stuck in the Go/No-Go gauge and even though everything else was right, I failed that whole portion. I was disappointed because I honestly don't remember being taught to do that. Maybe I did, but I didn't write it down after I went over the process step by step with one of the enlisted instructors.
I was embarrassed to be the only one in my group to fail but at least I learned something. Won't make that mistake again.
I was nervous for the loading/unloading portion for the M2 and the Mk 19. I went over and over it but I knew I'd bung something up. I don't understand what happens mechanically when you rack back so it's tough for me to get it straight in my head. Luckily I got an instructor I remember getting help from during prac app and he was really nice. When I was unsure of something he nudged me toward to right answer - I think because I was trying hard to show what I know about closed vs open-bolt weapon systems and the 4 conditions, then afterward he went over what happens mechanically. I don't understand all of it but I know more now so I'm so grateful for that.
My instructor for loading/unloading the SAW, M203, and the M240 was nice too. I felt like such an idiot because I made silly mistakes on the SAW, like forgetting to rack back to do a 5 pt safety check and then I forgot to say "check for a hot/cold barrel" for remedial action. Such silly mistakes. I mean, I know it better now, but I shouldn't have made those mistakes. He only failed me on one section and he was nice to me about failing the headspace part and said he sometimes has a hard time with it too. I appreciate when people are non-douchey to me.
Man I now had two failures. I barely saw red on other people's grade sheets. Felt so stupid. Why can all these other people get it and not me?
M203 diss and ass was fine.
I worried about the SAW diss and ass. And I did really well with it! I finished with a minute to spare - so proud of myself! Then I did a functions check. Fire/No Fire good to go. Then I checked that the bipods didn't swing and they swung and my weapon just fell over. I was so pissed. I CHECKED THE GAS TUBE WHEN I PUT IT IN. Gah. At this point I didn't have time to fix it and I didn't realize that if I pulled the bolt to the rear, I could easily take off the barrel and seat the gas tube. I felt so frustrated. I think I was the only one to fail yet again and it was embarrassing cos I was in the front and if you're not done you stay standing. Everyone was sitting and watching me struggle.
3 fails. Damn.
I rocked the M240. I got decent at it when a corporal challenged me to a race yesterday when I was struggling with it and I nearly beat him twice in disassembly. Putting it back together I run into snags but I can do it.
Then I got back to my room and remembered how much I hate everybody.
I wrote my first venting email in a while to Jason and then continued to work on my Movement to Contact STEX order. I got near the end, made my lunch, and then went to ask (again) for amplifying word on where the STEX would take place. Finding out that word was passed over me yet again (lovely - I'm the platoon sergeant), I went to make sure the squad leaders knew and had another horrible coughing fit. I could barely talk, I was choking and my eyes watered. I got back to my room and tried to finish eating but the coughing got so bad again that I started choking and vomited on my desk then ran to the bathroom and dry heaved a while. I took my inhaler again and then went to class. I was feeling awful and my eyes started watering up again at the beginning, partially from frustration.
STEX was decent, maybe even pretty good. Our instructor was pretty funny and he didn't make me feel stupid when he answered my questions. Apparently, "making people feel stupid for asking questions" is a Marine Corps core competency.
After getting secured, I ran sprints on Cardiac Hill with Shannon, Reina, Kirk, and Farrukh. I was sick for so many reasons. My body was getting ravaged from this month's reminder that I'm a good Catholic girl, and my breathing was crappy. They were barely sprints at all. I felt like I was barely moving. My chest felt filled and I felt like something was blocking my breathing. Kinda wheezy and I had to stop and try to take deep breaths after each one. Everyone else was doing better than me. I started tearing up again because I'm not getting fast enough. How can I ever pass the E-Course like this? I've even already run it twice this week and I don't think I'm improving enough. I'm so stressed by this and it's breaking my heart.
Afterward, Shannon and I went to the O-Course. I wanted to just go through the obstacles for muscle memory for Friday's double O final and I wanted to try to get on one log instead of two for walking down the combination bars. I have a mental block on the O-Course a lot because I'm afraid of heights but I couldn't get it again. I used to be able to do this and now I can't.
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