Halfway through this. A basic, chronological summary:
288 PFT but my file is still wrong I think and has it recorded as 271
ranked first in squad
300 CFT
Range week(s) happened
Unq'd on both pistol and rifle - an overall enlarging experience which required me to shoot once more on rifle and twice more in pistol to earn two pizza boxes
Hikes suck.
I'm barely able to eat and I'm dead tired after all the hiking. One night I go to bed late after getting back later than everyone to pull pits for a friend, then counsel all 12 peeps in my squad (I was a squad leader), then go to bed. No time for dinner. Just a banana. The next day we get back early and I finish cleaning my rifle, counseling a guy in my squad and I pass out. I accidentally sleep through my alarm and miss dinner again. The next day I start to hyperventilate on the firing line and try to fight through it. The Plt Guide and a Lt who used to be a Corpsman notice I don't look right and take me against my will to the docs. They tell me I'm not allowed to train anymore even though I keep asking to go back. Later that day my SPC tears me a new one (well, tries to - I got the impression he was trying too hard) and now I have to write a response to counseling since essentially my CoC didn't make the decision to let me continue to train. Awesome. Now I have to prove to him that I can be tough.
So three hours after going to bed I get up only to start an awesome day with a 6 mile hike. I volunteer to be road guard. I last one mile as I accidentally trip over a tree branch and face plant. S replaced me as road guard since I fell. Then I barely made it through the whole hike by myself since the guys lifted my pack a bit to help me through the last half. It felt awful. I hate having to be helped.
Then at midnight when we hiked back I fell again down Cardiac Hill. Go me. I was the only one in the whole dang platoon to fall at all.
My best friend in my platoon R got rolled back for unq'ing on rifle. Really crushed me. I remember one time when he was helping me pack up my stuff after another line-out (after re-qualing on rifle together - we were the only two double unq's in the platoon!) I was freaking out and whining about how I need to get away from Quantico and see my best friend and he pipes up, "What do you mean? I'm already here!" Made me smile. Don't do that genuinely all that often.
Then MCMAP happened. Tan belt warrior. Don't feel like I learned anything really, other than sprinting to the Bayonet Assault Course is miserable. Also, I don't like bayoneting things. Also, I can't get through the window obstacle without making a total fool of myself. Also I suck at pugil sticks.
Then I got ranked last by my SL for being weak in the field.
100 on Land Nav I. 70 on Initial Night Land Nav. Really disappointed.
Sunset Parade was cool. I was the only one to appreciate it. Go D&B!
I'd been freaking out about the E-Course since I suck at that stuff. Failed miserably on the initial. 99 freaking minutes. Passing is 90. I couldn't make it over the cargo net. It took me 3 times. I was sick too and haven't been eating right. I failed during Leatherneck too. 91:40. Way to not even improve. I ran it the week before with full gear and did the whole thing (not timing the O-Course too) in 78 minutes. I think carrying the rifle screws me up. Couldn't practice with the rifle.
STEXs, combat orders, BAMCIS. Boring as hell. FEX I ok. I was the rifle squad leader on the second go. I think my order was good. Execution = whatever. Then it stormed on us on the second night. R5 was pure misery. Kinda cool. But pure misery.
I volunteered for remedial night land nav even though I passed. Guess what. I failed this one.
Ranked 5th.
day Land Nav II - abomination. Zombie during the whole thing. So dang hot. Sick. Could barely keep myself upright. Remedial I find another Lt looking for the same box and we find it. Then this other Lt tells us we're in the wrong place so we spend the whole time looking for the box. Then I run into a friend of mine who said we had found the right box. Waste of time. Also learned my compass was jacked up.
Got a new compass.
Pass Land Nav III and remedial. Yay.
Ranked last again. Since I'm not in a leadership role, I tend to step back and wait to be told what to do. Yet when I'm in a leadership role I'm assertive and good to go. So basically, when it's my time to be a leader, I lead well and when it's time to be a follower, I follow well. And this is bad because...? Just frustrated. It's difficult for me to assert myself when this place is so obviously sexist. None of the girls got patrol billets. Big surprise.
I pass all my tests with a 89% average but I know I could do better if I cared more. Some of the test questions are STUPID but the material is so insipid I can't motivate myself to do more than what's necessary to get by. I get annoyed by the know-it-alls and the guys who FREAK OUT about studying this stuff.
My SPC barely knows who I am. I'm freaking out about MOS's since I can't tell what's right for me. I try to ask questions and get answers like "Logistics Officers are responsible for logistics" and "Signals Intelligence gathers intelligence through electronic signaling." Thankfully I was sitting when I heard both these statements.
Busting my butt to get better for the E-Course. Today I ran the PFT course (3mi) with my assault pack (two full canteens, full camelback, two SAPI plates, kevlar) in 35 minutes without stopping once. Didn't think I could do that but I'm still not confident I can pass the E-Course. Seriously freaking out about this.
My knees are gone. I now take 5 pills daily. 1 One-A-Day Women's and 4 glucosamine/chondroitin/MSM.
I hate that I'm not reaching my potential here. I never do well in peer environments. I mean, when we got peer evals I got ranked low but no one speared me - said some nice things to be honest and the weaknesses they identified I agree with. But I don't have anyone to care for. Like my plebes or my company. I feel like it's just me and I don't motivate myself.
I still give it my all. Just don't feel like my "all" is all it used to be.
0 comments:
Post a Comment